


the problem of us

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 02:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9857084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Joshua shakes his head in response. “No, just relationship problems here.”They deem is "the problem of us" and neither knows how to deal with the reality of it, especially when it is as complicated as it is. All they know is that they think they are in love and that solves a subproblem, at the very least.





	1. the problem

**Author's Note:**

> hey! 
> 
> so this is cross-posted @ aff as it all starts with we, but i Hated it and so this is a heavily proofread/altered version.  
> it has three parts and all three are written, but i have yet to proofread the other chapters yet so hopefully i can do that well and speedily. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

“Hm, Mingyu?”

Joshua steps forward as Mingyu steps back in surprise, pupils blown wide.

“How about now?”

He crowds into Mingyu’s space making him feel small, which should be an impossibility. From here, Mingyu can faintly smell the alcohol on his breath. Involuntarily, he pulls a face at the smell of what he believes is tequila. It isn’t that Mingyu doesn’t like alcohol, that’s far from the truth, but he’s feeling strangely sober after one martini and half a beer tonight. Nearby, Minghao lifts his glass into the air towards Mingyu to catch his attention.

There’s no way he could hear Minghao over the music since he can hardly hear Joshua’s eerily calm voice, but he tries to decipher whatever Minghao might be trying to communicate with him from this distance. He thinks that the other male is asking if he’s alright, or if he needs to come swoop in to create distance between Joshua and him. Mingyu shakes his head, then lifts his own beer off the counter beside him. His company drunkenly tips his head towards Minghao, but then returns his attention back to Mingyu. He’s stubborn, Mingyu gives him that.

“Just once.” He smiles, but it is as lopsided as his world seems to be currently. His smile lacks its usual warm mischievousness. It is replaced by drunken sloppiness. Joshua rarely drinks, usually he succumbs to the celebratory shot that his coworkers pay for, but no more. He doesn't really know why he's had so much  _tonight_. He wonders if there's something special about tonight that is making Joshua feel particularly risky, particularly unlike himself.

(He almost wonders if the reason could be  _him_.) 

Mingyu puts his beer back down on the counter, sighing. “If you drink some water,” he taps the bar until he gets the attention of the bartender. He orders and a glass of water is quickly supplied. He tilts his head towards it, waiting. This promise feels slightly dangerous, but if it gets Joshua to at least attempt to sober up, then he is willing. Even if it reminds him of when he was a high schooler; that's what it feels like with Joshua right now, some high school game. 

There is a split second where Joshua looks as though he’s going to walk away from this deal, but to Mingyu’s horror (and deeply internal relief) he wraps both of his hands around the glass and puts it to his lips, then chugs the whole glass. When he puts it back onto the counter, the look on his face is smug. He wipes off stray droplets from the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. Mingyu realizes too late that he’s staring at him in a combination of clashing emotions. Surprise wins out, but amazement and attraction are definitely there too. 

He was trying to get Joshua to sober up, but he’s pretty sure that chugging water will have little short-term onset, except maybe by sending him to the bathroom sooner rather than later.

"One more," he says, which goes against his own promise, but Joshua doesn't put up much of a fight as his glass is refilled. He drinks it slower this time, gaze never breaking away from Mingyu's as he does so. Mingyu almost wants to ask him to drink one more, but he doesn't. Joshua's a lightweight, so whatever is in his system can't be much, plus Mingyu knows that this isn't the worst Joshua could be. Mingyu had seen their other friends at their worst, when they could hardly stand, and Joshua was still mostly coherent. 

“Now!” Joshua exclaims, giving Mingyu no time for reaction as he takes his hand and pulls him to the dance floor. The bright, flashing lights could barely reach them before, but now they were in the spotlight. As he drags the taller male through the throngs of people, he tips his head back and laughs. Mingyu can’t hear it over the music, but he doesn’t have to. He has Joshua’s laughter imprinted in his memory. The older man laughs much more than is expected from his professional image. At work, he’s more likely to play pranks and tell jokes than he is to uphold the expectation of professionalism. Joshua isn't scared to be himself and to work hard. It's something that Mingyu admires, something he can see in himself at times. 

Mingyu wonders if this is a joke too.

People push against them in body rolls and choppy movements until they break through the crowd to find a small, self-contained section where they fit comfortably without bumping too much into strangers. He catches Minghao and Soonyoung near them; they are hovering, but Mingyu cannot say that he doesn’t appreciate it. He knows that it must've been Minghao's idea, especially when he constantly worries about the status of Mingyu's love life. He's like a protective puppy (who could definitely lay someone's ass flat on the pavement): cute, but threatening. 

The songs blend into each other, woven together like dripping paint onto a canvas. Joshua puts his hands in the air and turns around until he’s grinding against Mingyu’s front. Deep in his throat, Mingyu’s breath sticks uncomfortably so that he feels like he’s suffocating. His hands resting at his sides know where they should be, but he’s hesitant. This is his coworker, a friend, not some stranger (and there’s that whole issue of Joshua not being a woman, but with his subtle curve pressing into him, Mingyu doesn’t _really_ know how much that matters-- he’s never known how much that has mattered, since he’s always had somewhat of a thing for Joshua.) and he doesn’t trust himself with him: not now, not ever.

Somewhat of a tempo is set between both bodies, but Mingyu doesn’t seem to be as into it. Joshua apparently notices this as he turns around to hook his hands behind Mingyu’s neck; it’s a stretch, but he manages as he continues to sway to the beat. Their bodies are touching too much, but not enough for either of them. Sweat gathers on their skin where they touch and it all only makes Mingyu so much more uncomfortable. “What’s wrong?” Joshua knits his eyebrows together, looking drunkenly concerned. He can start to make out the sober Joshua from beneath his gaze.

“Nothing,” Mingyu lies, not looking towards Joshua. He’s looking anywhere but at him. The ceiling holds his gaze until he feels Joshua’s arms slipping away from him. There’s that weight off of his shoulders, but he immediately feels the emptiness in his stomach set in. None of this will end well for him.

What he expects is for Joshua to say is _but you promised,_ but when he pulls his gaze away from the ceiling, he catches the pout of Joshua’s lips before he’s suddenly watching his retreating form as he disappears back into the crowd of people. Minghao manages to maneuver around the dance floor until he’s sidling up next to him, moving his hips to the beat.

His lips are suddenly at Mingyu’s ear, teasingly. “Way to blow that chance.”

Minghao isn’t looking at him with pity or malevolence, but there is annoyance in his features. He stops dancing when Mingyu doesn’t respond to his quip, grabbing Mingyu by the arm and hustling him out of the busy club and expelling him out into the chilly night air. Soonyoung and Joshua both abandoned somewhere.

Their ears ring uncomfortably in the quiet night air. The steady thrum of the club echoes behind them. Mingyu wraps his arms around himself to ward off the chilliness of the wind.

When Minghao speaks, his voice is raised too loud. “I understand that he wasn’t the most sober, but I expected you not to just flat-out reject him!” There are people smoking outside and they peer towards the rather loud conversation that is occurring. It's somewhat very  _extremely_ embarrassing. 

“You just left Soonyoung in there,” Mingyu responds, holding a finger to his ear in a futile attempt to restore his hearing to normal.

“Yeah, to try to convince your sorry ass that you just made a wild mistake.” Minghao presses his fingers against the bridge of his nose as though he feels a headache coming on, which probably isn’t far from the truth. “Plus _you_ invited him, so Jeonghan isn’t here to take care of him when he decides to walk home, which, if you need reminding, is a fifteen minute drive, _plus_ he has no coat.” 

Everything that Minghao is saying resonates with Mingyu, but he’s hesitant about going after Joshua. He isn’t even sure if Joshua left the club. For all they know, he could be in the bathroom or back at the bar. But Minghao was definitely right... _he_ invited Joshua, so maybe the older male thought Mingyu was interested in him (which wasn't far from the truth at all). “Well, I guess… I’ll go look for him,” he says finally. Minghao purses his lips in response which makes Mingyu wonder if he's just said or done something wrong. “What?”

“Since there’s a hundred different routes he could have took, I’m going to get Soonyoung and we’ll look opposite of you. I’ll check the club and text you if he’s still there.” He responds with an exasperated look. His expression just appears tired, like he wants nothing more than to just go back home and crawl into bed. “You head that way.” Minghao points behind Mingyu, the stretch of sidewalk seems to run forever towards the invisible horizon. There are not enough street lamps to illuminate the way well enough for to be safe. There are a million reasons why he shouldn’t go after Joshua, especially when he may have not even headed this way, but he knows that he’d be an idiot if he didn’t go after him. Joshua means to much to him and Joshua would go if the situation was flipped.

.

.

It takes an hour before anyone finds him. Mingyu gets a text from Minghao informing him that he’s been acquired and that Minghao would just take him home. Also, he sends another text after a moment asking if Mingyu needs to be picked up. Mingyu thinks about the awkwardness of the car ride, then decides to decline the offer. He lies easily, telling Minghao that he circled back around at some point and was closer to his car anyway.

With the news that Joshua was safe, Mingyu’s heartbeat could steady. The prospect of anyone else finding the drunken, stubborn mess that he was meant that anything could happen to him, but now that Minghao and Soonyoung have him, Mingyu has nothing to worry about now, except getting home safely.

On the quiet walk back to his car, he allows his thoughts to wander. He tries to figure out why Joshua left so readily. Where he was usually so stubborn, especially when he was drunk, he wasn’t tonight. There was a type of impatient patience offered to Mingyu, but he had refused it, had refused him. “Idiot,” he berates himself underneath his breath. For too long now, Mingyu had had a bit of a crush on Joshua. It was the way he assisted everyone when they needed him, the way that he smiled like a confession would follow from those lips, the way he was so complicated when Mingyu was so uncomplicated. He was used to Joshua reminding him that he was not complex; he knew how to read him like a book. His eyes would shine with some secret that Mingyu was not privy to every time they spoke.

There were many things that Mingyu liked about Joshua, but with every one of those reasons came a reason to stay away from Joshua, especially when the older male seemed to have a type that was a lot more sophisticated than him.

Until tonight, he thought his crush was hopeless, impossibly one-sided, unrequited. Now he’s stuck, struggling to figure out if Joshua was joking with him or if tonight had been genuine. Maybe Joshua had felt some type of pity for Mingyu’s crush on him when he heard about it, so he extended an offer, but when he was rejected, he felt embarrassed. Maybe Joshua just wanted to flirt with him to see what his response would be, or maybe when he got drunk, he just became flirtatious and Mingyu was the closest body. 

All Mingyu knows is that he wishes he had caught Joshua by the arm when he had tried to leave, because it would have been nice to get to dance with him.

“Idiot…” He says again.

.

.

The next time they are able to talk isn’t at work, but instead Jeonghan decides to host a house party since Jihoon’s birthday is upcoming. (Also, just for the hell of it, but he doesn’t want to seem like any less of a hard worker.) He emails an invite to everyone, except Mingyu. It’s Wonwoo that he hears about it from.

“Hey, are you going to Jeonghan’s house tomorrow night?” He asks simply while they are having lunch. Mingyu shrugs in response.

Then… “Why?” he asks, furrowing his brow.

It’s Wonwoo’s turn to look confused. “The party for Jihoon? He scheduled it for tomorrow night, I’m pretty sure. I can check my calendar.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket to double check.

“Did Jeonghan invite you?” Mingyu asks, interrupting him. Wonwoo looks up from his phone, mouth slightly agape.

“What?” He shakes his head. “No, Jeonghan emailed everyone.”

“I didn’t get that email,” Mingyu pouts, pulling out his own phone to make sure that it hadn’t went to his spam folder. “Is there really a party for Jihoon tomorrow?” Mingyu leans towards Minghao when he asks.

Minghao slurps his ramen, pulling a face alongside it, before answering. “Yeah, he sent it a couple days ago. I noticed you weren’t on the email list, so I figured that this is probably about Joshua.” He then prods Seokmin with his foot. "Trade me lunches,  _please_."

Wonwoo starts at the mention of the oranged-haired coworker of theirs, lifting his head from his phone. “Joshua?” Both Mingyu and him ignore the traded lunches that are being worked out among their friends seated beside them.

“Yeah, the weekend before last, Mingyu totally rejected Joshua. Apparently Jeonghan heard about it, which is no surprise since they tell each other _everything_.” Minghao answers lackadaisically, causing Mingyu to fidget uncomfortably in his seat.

“Hey,” he starts, but is immediately interrupted.

Wonwoo snorts. “You deserved this then.”

“Also if you are worried that I just unearthed some great secret to Wonwoo, then you are wrong there. Everyone knows about your crush on Joshua,” Minghao adds as an afterthought. “Everyone.” He repeats for emphasis. Mingyu decides to focus on his food rather than his friends, but he feels strangely nauseous now that he knows that Jeonghan is passively pissed at him.

“You could talk to Jeonghan about it. Try to clear the air,” Wonwoo says, sensing Mingyu’s anxiety. “Or you could just show up, maybe it’ll be like a white prince entrance and you can whisk him away with your... uh, charms." It doesn't make Mingyu feel any better.

Minghao snorts, then falls into laughter at the image of Mingyu being able to woo anyone, let alone Joshua, especially by showing up to a cheap house party. “I’d just try to talk to Jeonghan or Joshua about it. It’ll cool at least one of them down. Unless… you want me to talk to Jeonghan, then I can tell him that you are crazy in love with his bestie, Joshua, and then maybe he’ll dish about Joshua’s feelings and I can report back to you.” Just as Mingyu is ready to take that as a solution to his problem, Minghao waves his hand in the air. “This is your problem though, plus after talking to Joshua the night you rejected him, I’d say you have a pretty good chance at getting back on good terms with him, unless his blood content was completely alcohol.”

The conversation falls away from Mingyu’s failure when Soonyoung joins the group. He steals Minghao's attention away immediately. 

While they start up a new conversation, Mingyu allows his gaze to travel until he’s found Jeonghan nestled right next to Joshua. He watches them too closely during lunch and when they get up, Mingyu waits until they pass his table. Then, he reaches out to catch Jeonghan’s elbow. “We need to talk,” he says.

Joshua looks momentarily surprised, but he simply ducks his head and continues towards the recycling bins, taking Jeonghan’s things with him. Jeonghan looks bored as he leans in. “Alright?”

“About your party…” Mingyu starts, unsure how to go about this now that he’s reached out to him. “I’d like to go.”

Jeonghan scoffs, running a hand through his hair. “Not even an apology prefacing that request? If you want to go to the party, then I can’t stop you. You just aren’t invited. You don’t work that closely with Jihoon, that’s all.” He says.

“But Wonwoo does?” He replies.

All he receives is a shrug in response.

“I’m not trying to force you into inviting me, but there was a misunderstanding between Joshua and me. He hasn’t been answering my calls, or I would have apologized already.” Mingyu sighs. Jeonghan smiles softly down at him. He's never been one to hold a grudge against Mingyu. “Is he that upset with me?” Mingyu whispers.

Wonwoo tries not to peer at Jeonghan’s falling expression. “More than you realize, but he’s over it mostly, I’m sure. I’ll send you the details, but I expect to definitely see you there now that you’ve personally asked.” He bites his lip as he turns away to head in the same direction as Joshua.

None of his friends comment on the exchange that has just occurred even though they've grown quiet. Lunch ends.

.

.

It’s a birthday party, so Mingyu picks out a gift to bring. His shopping is last minute and he hasn’t asked any of the others what they might have gotten for Jihoon, so he’s stranded upon the aisles of clothing in a nearby mall. He feels absolutely shipwrecked. While he’s searching through clothes that are Jihoon’s size, he realizes that he could have just baked a cake or went over early to Jeonghan’s to prepare some type of dinner or snack, but instead he’s here trying to shop for someone he doesn’t know enough about to be shopping for. He still has the option to head over early to Jeonghan's, he supposes. There's still time to bake a cake.

“Mingyu?” He hears a voice from behind him while he's considering what option might be best.

When he turns, he thinks that fate must hate him. “Joshua, oh, hey.”

“Shopping for Jihoon?” He asks, a pleasant smile on his face. He lifts up his own shopping bag. “Me too, I hope he likes my gift, but I only recently started working close to him. I’m sure he’ll thank us no matter what we get him so long as it isn’t… totally inappropriate.” He chuckles, probably thinking about when someone thought that getting Seungkwan a vibrator was the right move for his birthday. That party didn’t last long. Seungkwan had nearly been in hysterics, laughing and crying, and threatening whoever it was. 

Mingyu chuckles too. “That was pretty bad. I don’t think that Seungkwan ever found out who it was…” He purses his lips, trying to think if anyone had taken the blame for it, but he couldn’t recall it ever happening. It was because Seungkwan wanted to forget about it that it faded from everyone’s memories. “It wasn’t me though,” he adds as an afterthought.

Joshua raises an eyebrow, leaning in as he eyes Mingyu. “Sounds suspicious to me.” But before Mingyu can jump to his own rescue, he waves a hand in the air dismissively. “You wouldn’t have even thought of it. It wasn’t Jeonghan or me either, but that still leaves a bunch of people it may have been.” He shrugs. “I’m not feeling very detective-y at the moment though, or I'd help you uncover it.”

“Why haven’t you returned my calls?” Mingyu asks suddenly, breaking up the lighthearted (yet inappropriate) conversation. He can feel the tension slip into the air between them when he asks. Joshua bites down on his lip, then immediately turns away to shift through the clothing that Mingyu had just been looking through before he had come into the store. “I’m not mad, I’m just confused.”

Joshua shrugs, still not looking at Mingyu. “It was nothing. I don’t really want to talk about what happened, especially because I was drunk. If I was sober and that happened, then I would sit down and handle it, but I think I just wasn’t using my judgement, you know? I should have noticed that you were uncomfortable from the beginning of the encounter, but when I think back on it, I can’t even remember it clearly. It’s all fuzzy.” It’s only when he’s done talking does he turn around to look at Mingyu.

He nods. “You were drunk, yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Mingyu nods, then starts off towards the exit. “I’ll see you tonight then. I just realized that it'll be better if i just bake something. I think that’ll be enough.”

It’s Joshua’s turn to reply awkwardly. “Okay, I’ve got to go home and get ready anyway. So… see you later, I guess.” He lifts a hand to wave.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Then he reaches forward to grasp Mingyu’s wrist with his free hand. “Wait, no.” Mingyu cannot believe that they are having this back-and-forth within a department store. He feels delicate and awkward, like they are doing something socially wrong. “I’m not okay with you not understanding what I meant. I was drunk, but that did not mean that I didn’t want to dance with you. I did, and it was embarrassing when you refused, but it was my fault for not noticing that you were uncomfortable. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea and think that I was just drunk and trying to flirt with the first person I saw.” He explains, then drops Mingyu’s wrist from his grasp.

His hand was cold when it was on him, so when it falls, Mingyu feels its absence. Instead of having some confessional in public, he decides to joke instead. It might also relieve the tension between them. That’s what he thinks. “Oh, you were trying to flirt with me?” He quirks an eyebrow playfully.

He’s never seen Joshua flush, and not only does pink scatter his cheeks, but he falters in his response. Mingyu thinks that it is adorable, _he_ is adorable, especially when he’s made him speechless. It’s nearly an impossible feat to silence Joshua, but here he is, fumbling before him, somewhat. Mingyu thinks he must look smug because he certainly feels that way. However, all the smugness in his expression disappears when Joshua defiantly looks him in the eyes, expression honest, and says, “That’s exactly what I was trying to do.”

However, before Mingyu can even respond, Joshua leaves, rushing out of the store just as quickly as he had ran out of the club that night. Honestly, Mingyu cannot keep up with what might make Joshua stay; he’d rather not have to watch as he walks away time after time. For now, there’s little he can do.

Mingyu goes home without a present for Jihoon and with the onset of a headache.

.

.

He goes straight to Jeonghan’s house after picking up some ingredients from the grocery store. He figures that this is at least better than being empty-handed. When Jeonghan answers the door, he almost expects Joshua to be there, but instead it’s Seungcheol at his side. “Yo,” he says, “the party isn’t starting for another hour.” Mingyu holds up his grocery bags as though they are a peace offering. Jeonghan smiles and lets him in. He seems to be exceeding Jeonghan's expectations now.

“You’ll have to clean up any mess you make in there!” He calls after Mingyu's retreating form. 

Mingyu immediately turns into the clean kitchen and breathes a sigh of relief. It looks nothing like how he imagined it, especially after Joshua had confided in him that Jeonghan could be quite lazy. “Alright,” he agrees back to him. Seungcheol follows him into the kitchen, folding his arms as he leans against the counter.

“Glad you could make it,” he smiles easily at his friend and coworker. Mingyu nods, setting out his groceries carefully, separating them into dry and wet ingredients. “Heard about what was going on, I’m glad that Joshua and you worked it out.”

At the mention of Joshua, Mingyu knocks over the sugar which is thankfully closed. It thuds against the counter. “Yeah,” he nods, but does not further that subject. He picks up the sugar slowly, trying to take his time with the simple action. “I’m glad I could be here too. I bet Jihoon’s going to enjoy it, at least a little bit. Are you helping Jeonghan clean up?”

Seungcheol nods. “Someone’s gotta. Joshua had to go out shopping, so he wasn’t really going to be much help until he finished that up.”

“He was completely useless today!” Jeonghan dramatically sighs, entering the kitchen. “I’m firing him as Jeonghan’s best friend.”

Jeonghan's dramatization is just enough for Mingyu to not start thinking about Joshua and his interaction at the store. _He was trying to flirt with me… Does that mean…?_ He chews on his lip while he tries to stay focused solely on baking for Jihoon. His new objective was to not think about the auburn-haired man that he was harboring feelings for currently. His whole body feels strange when he thinks about their most recent interaction. It had been different from the other more recent interactions that he could recall.

Luckily that ceases being their latest interaction: unluckily as well.

“Oh yeah, man! Party!” Joshua says in clear, clean English as he walks in without knocking. Jeonghan chuckles, watching Mingyu closely as he turns around at the sound of Joshua’s voice. His whole body jolted when he heard Joshua enter and everything that hadn’t already clicked for Jeonghan, suddenly did.

He quirks an eyebrow at Mingyu as he calls to Joshua, “We’re in the kitchen, Josh!’

“Oh, did Seungcheol pick up finally?” He chirps as he enters the kitchen. He appears to be ready to make some smart remark towards Seungcheol, but as soon as he sees Mingyu next to him, he inhales sharply. “Hey,” he whispers. "I didn't know you were going to bake the cake over here."

Jeonghan claps a hand against his back. “It'll be easier this way. Come on, you can help me set up the movie.”

“Yeah,” he says, turning around and leaving the kitchen with Jeonghan.

Seungcheol pats Mingyu’s shoulder sympathetically. “It could be worse, I guess.” Mingyu turns to him with wide eyes, mouth falling open in surprise.

“Even you?”

“That really made sense of everything when he walked in and looked like a lost puppy, and then you also looked like one.” He shrugs, pursing his lips as examines all the foodstuffs that Mingyu has brought over. “Do you mind if I hang out here? I don’t think they need me hovering out there.”

Mingyu smiles at him. “It’s fine.”

  
  
  
  
  


It’s the exact opposite of fine.

Seungcheol only talks about Joshua at first. It seems orchestrated by Jeonghan. How pointed the questions are and how invasive they are, it all seems like Jeonghan. For awhile, Mingyu entertains the questions as well as he can, brushing them off easily, but the more that he pries, the more that Mingyu feels uneasy, queasy, unsure.

“You know, feelings are hard, but I’m sure it’ll all work out. Joshua and you are pretty easy-going guys, so if things fall apart here and there, then the most drama you’ll have is Jeonghan starting stuff.” He’s trying to be supportive, but Mingyu doesn’t need any support on this front, especially when his main support system is Minghao and Wonwoo. Both of them would rather make fun of him than actually give him advice that he can use (well, that might not be totally true in Wonwoo's case. He could actually be quite helpful... sometimes). Minghao seems to be full of information, but sometimes Mingyu cannot work past the sarcasm and jokes. “Not saying that you two even have anything to work out.”

Jeonghan reenters the kitchen. It seems scripted.

“He’s not helping, swap me.” He pleads immediately, looking to Seungcheol. He nods, mouthing a good luck to Mingyu before leaving.

Mingyu is finishing prepping the dish by the time that Joshua reenters the kitchen. “I was totally helping, I don’t think that Jeonghan knows how to work the television very well.” He says, then, “That smells good.”

“Thanks,” Mingyu nods. “I could take a look if you are having electrical problems.”

Joshua shakes his head in response. “No, just relationship problems here.” He’s trying to be funny, but his anxiousness is palpable. “You know,” he says in English, then quietly returns to Korean. “The problem of us.”

At least they aren’t dancing around it any longer, but still it makes Mingyu feel nauseous at the mention of them as an _us_. “Yeah.” He licks his lips; they feel too dry. His whole mouth feels too dry. He pours himself a glass of water as music kicks up in the living room. It drifts into the kitchen; it’s fun, but not obnoxious. They hear Seungcheol giggle from the living room and both of them smile at each other. It's warm and affectionate. It makes some of Mingyu's anxiety melt away; he decides to try to be brave.

“I can solve a subproblem,” Mingyu says, but feels silly after he says it. It sounded smoother in his head, but he still reaches out for Joshua. The song that drifts in is not any type of sexy, but it’s fun. He pulls Joshua close by his hips and moves his body to the beat. His dancing is a little awkward at first, he hasn’t done it in awhile, but he quickly falls into the familiar movements. Being friends with Minghao had only furthered his knowledge of dancing, but most of that was inapplicable here in Jeonghan’s cozy kitchen. Mingyu and Joshua both still wearing their socks as they slide across the hardwood: a tangle of limbs and movements. It is both silly and breathtaking.

He realizes how petite Joshua’s features are when he is this close to him. Joshua’s eyes hold something mischievous in them as he dances closer to Mingyu until he’s up in his space once again. This time, they are both incredibly, painfully sober. There’s a yearning in Mingyu’s chest that tells him that this is exactly where he needs to be. It pulls him towards Joshua, comforts his anxiety further. His hands are able to sit on Joshua’s hips now where they should have found themselves at the club; when he moves closer, Mingyu is able to further pull him in until they flush against one another. Joshua’s hands hook around his neck once again, but this time Mingyu does not stare at the ceiling. Instead, he gazes upon Joshua.

He can’t stop looking at him once he starts. He’s never been able to shift his gaze from him so easily. It’s too easy to watch him. The way his lips quirk up when he realizes that he’s watching him; the way his face changes imperceptibly with new stimuli. His expressions are endless; Mingyu’s interest in him is endless. He’s underestimated his feelings, greatly underestimated them.

His heart aches. Joshua's chest seems to be heaving. Mingyu is speechless.

Mingyu takes care not to dig his fingernails into Joshua’s skin, but he cannot help but to tighten his grip on him, scared this moment might end too soon and Joshua will be little more than an apparition or a dream. His whole body shivers as Joshua moves against him in time with the music. Mingyu moves back against him. It’s just dancing, so Mingyu is able to restrain himself, but there’s a hot feeling coiling in the pit of his stomach which is the reason he has to stop Joshua before they end up undressed atop Jeonghan’s counter.

“Joshua... Joshua,” Mingyu manages to find his voice again. “Hey.”

He looks up at him, momentarily stopping his ministrations. There’s already a smile gracing his lips.

Then Mingyu kisses him. He makes sure to steal any possible smug words that Joshua could have thought of, so he kisses him hard with both of his hands cradling Joshua’s face. He feels Joshua kissing him back, lifting himself onto his tiptoes as he does so. He opens his mouth and Mingyu slides his tongue against Joshua’s own. He doesn’t taste like much, but the sensation of kissing him makes Mingyu feel as though he’s burning. His hands drop back down to his hips to pull him closer. Joshua stumbles ungracefully towards him, falling into him.

He keens when Mingyu nips at his bottom lip before he pulls away.

Joshua immediately goes back in for another kiss. He doesn’t want it to end; Mingyu doesn’t know how to stop once it starts. His hands can’t sit still anywhere. He reaches up to run his fingers through Joshua’s hair, messing the style up. Joshua pulls him down by his neck so that the distance isn’t so fair. They aren’t touching enough, but they are also touching too much.

When they separate, Mingyu’s lips are trembling. So are his legs.

Just when he thinks that Joshua is going to say something, he kisses him again. They don’t separate except to inhale shakily, then dive back under. It is as though they are trying to make up for every lost moment, every lost opportunity when their lips could have met again and again and again. These moments are timeless except for the food that Mingyu knows that he needs to finish before it’s ruined. He can’t stop touching Joshua, can’t stop kissing him. Joshua has crowded up into Mingyu’s space and now he doesn’t want him to leave.

Jeonghan walks in just as Joshua is tugging on Mingyu’s shirt.

Mingyu immediately goes red in the face when he hears Jeonghan's voice. “If you needed a room, I don’t think the kitchen is ideal,” Jeonghan comments, crossing over to the fridge to pull out a cola. He seems strangely comfortable with this scene. Joshua’s cheeks are pink, but he looks relatively unphased by Jeonghan’s entrance. He looks completely phased by Mingyu.

“Sorry,” Joshua lets go of Mingyu’s shirt, but doesn’t move away from him. “I was just helping him in the kitchen like you told me to do.” He winks at Mingyu. Jeonghan opens his drink, then lightly taps it against the back of Joshua’s head.

“Don’t help him in the kitchen if it involves removing clothing.” He chastises, clucking his tongue. Joshua chuckles, giving him a thumbs-up in understanding. Mingyu laughs breathlessly, kissing the top of Joshua’s head in a sickeningly domestic manner. Joshua looks up to him immediately at the action, mouth slightly agape. That’s when Mingyu notices that his lips are swollen slightly; he smiles smugly at that. There’s nothing that seems put together about Joshua any longer now. “Come help me finish cleaning and setting up,” Jeonghan finally says, putting his drink down on the counter.

The look that Joshua gave him after he had kissed the top of his head lingers with him as they leave the room. Still no words have passed between them, but he’s confident that the party will allow him to rid himself of his awkwardness. He hopes, at least.

With Joshua's depature from the kitchen, he continues cooking for the party.


	2. solving the problem

Joshua Hong is not in love with his coworker. Kim Mingyu is not either. There’s just a weird energy around them. Mingyu just has a crush on him; Joshua just likes the attention: he can’t pull away from him as though they are magnets. When they kiss for the first time, then the second, third, fourth, fifth, all in succession, something clicks for Mingyu, but he refuses to call it love. He’s realized how complicated the problem of us is, is all. There is a depth to it that he’s underestimated from the moment that it was introduced. Joshua, after their kisses, realizes nothing. It is only when Mingyu presses a kiss to the top of his head does he feel a weight sinking deep in his stomach. This realization has nothing to do with himself; it has everything to do with Mingyu, with that simple action. He’s almost instantly nauseous, so he leaves with Jeonghan, trying to mask his expression before Mingyu.

Kim Mingyu is undeniably in love with his coworker, Joshua Hong, and Joshua might be the only person who is sure of it. 

.

.

The party does not last long before the alcohol is brought out. They successfully are able to have cake and turn the movie on, but as soon as it starts to play, everyone seems to collectively lose interest in it. Jeonghan sighs, but clearly this is expected as he has prepared a large quantity of alcohol for the partygoers. “It’s like a college party,” Hansol laughs, reaching for a beer. Seungkwan opens it for him and clinks his glass of water against Hansol’s bottle.

“To our youth,” Seungkwan mutters, then drinks from his glass.

Mingyu joins Minghao, Soonyoung, and Junhui who are looking through Jeonghan’s impressive collection of alcohol. “Do you mind if we make some mixed drinks?” Junhui asks politely towards Jeonghan. Jeonghan squeezes past others in his small kitchen to assist them with their drink making. 

“Or we could do some shots,” Minghao whispers, gaze drifting to Mingyu. Jeonghan makes a strangled noise. “We won’t end up wrecking your place like we did with Hansol’s. I’m just saying that if we don’t go for the shots, then our giant here isn’t going to be feeling it for awhile.” Mingyu tries to deadleg Minghao, but he lifts his leg before Mingyu can actually hit him. He turns to him with a smug smile on his face.

“It’s not false, Mingyu!” Soonyoung quips. Even so, Minghao and Soonyoung are all talk. Minghao refrains from drinking most of the time, if not always, and Soonyoung hardly drinks more than a couple drinks before he's too messed up. 

Joshua, looking for Jeonghan, comes upon the group making mixed drinks with a bottle of beer in his hand. “Do we have any wine? Seungkwan’s asked like five times now. Apparently you only have dark beer, so he doesn’t want any.” He shrugs, stuffing a hand into his pocket as he stands there on the cusp of the group. He places the beer he's holding onto the counter. Chan or Seungcheol will probably claim it as their own when they catch sight of it. 

Minghao pulls himself away from the alcohol that he’s been appraising in order to turn his attention towards the newcomer. “Hey, Joshua. Have you met Junhui yet? He’s contracted with the company, but he’s not in any of our departments.” He introduces Junhui. Joshua and him shake hands as Joshua introduces himself in response. “Mingyu, your cake was really good,” Minghao says while Junhui and Joshua are making small talk.

Junhui looks over and nods, affirming Minghao’s statement.

“Oh, yeah, it was pretty good,” Joshua says, not looking at Mingyu. He swipes a finger over the rim of the bottle he's just set down instead of paying any attention to the person in question. The bottle wobbles precariously on the edge of the counter. “Jihoon really liked it too.” He says as an afterthought.

Jeonghan returns from the cabinets just in time to notice Joshua’s expression. “It was a nice cake. It felt like a proper birthday sweet, minus the candles.”

Minghao points to Joshua’s drink, “Are you going to be drinking tonight?" Concern is coloring his voice, but Joshua doesn't seem to register it that way. It seems like he thinks that Minghao is mocking him for the other night at the club. He pulls a face, pushing the beer until it is perched safely on the middle of the counter. At least now it won't be tipped onto the floor if it falls. Cleaning up glass would have to be on the bottom of things that they want to do at a party. 

In response, Joshua just shrugs, then breaks away from the group. “Shit, he asked about wine, right?” Jeonghan says after him, grabbing a bottle of red wine from the army of alcohol that Soonyoung and Minghao were building. “I’ll be right back to help you with the drinks. Ice is in the freezer in the garage.” Then Jeonghan is off to follow after Joshua and to deliver the wine to Seungkwan.

“Your boy’s going to be plastered if he does end up drinking,” Soonyoung says, clapping Minghao on the shoulder, but he’s looking straight at Mingyu with his pointed statement.

“His boy?” Minghao scrunches his face up at the same time Mingyu does, saying: “My boy?”

Soonyoung waves his free hand in the air. “I don't know what the two of you are, or what you are doing, but I definitely can tell there is something up. Everyone knows it too." He takes a gulp from his beer, then leans into Minghao, who throws an arm around him affectionately. “Did something happen between the two of you for him to be acting all awkward though?" He raises an eyebrow in askance.

Jeonghan returns, wine no longer in hand. “They were making out in the kitchen while Mingyu was baking.” He pushes his hair back and brings forward some bottles. Junhui, who had went to retrieve the ice returns as well. “I couldn’t find Joshua, which means he’s probably in my bedroom.” With an elbow he nudges Mingyu.

Minghao and Soonyoung cheer Mingyu on loudly as he exits from the bustling kitchen.

The walk to Jeonghan’s bedroom seems to be the longest trek that Mingyu has ever taken. The bedroom itself is only a short walk away from the kitchen since Jeonghan’s house is not very expansive itself, but Mingyu is dragging his feet as he tries to figure out what he could have possibly done to upset Joshua. He couldn’t work past any of it in his brain because none of it made any sense to him. Joshua had definitely wanted to kiss him too, and even after they had kissed, Joshua had made smug remarks towards Jeonghan which communicated that he did not regret them. In fact, Joshua was nearly about to start undressing him in the kitchen, but now the unnamed tension has returned.

Mingyu knocks before he comes in.

“Hey,” He says to Joshua who is seated on the end of Jeonghan’s mattress.

Joshua looks over at him, “Hey,” he echoes quietly, then turns his attention back to the floor. Mingyu sits down beside him on the bed, careful not to jostle him too much. “Are they looking for me?” He asks.

“Just Jeonghan actually,” Mingyu responds honestly, “but I think Hansol will start to ask where you went off to soon enough.” That draws a smile from Joshua, but it is a fleeting one. It is as though after he catches the small action, he realizes that he’s just done something that he should not have. But Mingyu is right, whenever Hansol drinks he always asks for Joshua and Seungkwan. “Plus I was a little worried, considering I think I might have something to do with this.” Mingyu lays his hand over Joshua’s own; Joshua seems confused at the action as he starts to pull away, then immediately settles, turning his palm up to meet Mingyu’s palm. Their fingers tangle haphazardly, messily.

With Mingyu’s thumb brushing against his skin, he feels both strangely calm and strangely nervous. He swallows hard, then draws in a shaky breath. “I…” He starts, but doesn’t know how to continue. He looks away from their hands intertwined on the bed, but avoids Mingyu’s gaze. “It’s complicated, all of it.”

Mingyu doesn’t think he understands, but when Joshua places his cup on the floor (full of what he hopes is water) and lifts his newly freed hand to his ear. The cross piercing on his ear is a symbol of his faith, but Mingyu thinks that this problem transcends faith. There are layers of problems between them that they haven’t addressed. Instead, they just dove into unknown territory without thinking, without solving the other issues.

When Joshua speaks again, his voice is quiet. “Do you remember the time…”

Mingyu interrupts him. “Last summer after we had been introduced to each other? When we were at the bar and I was with a girl and you were there with Jeonghan?” Joshua nods. “You looked nice that night.” Mingyu admits, “I ended up leaving with Jeonghan and you while my date was in the bathroom.”

“We kissed in the backseat of Jeonghan’s car. You were drunk,” Joshua clarifies.

.

.

When Wonwoo had introduced him to this girl, he thought that she looked like every other girl that he had showed mediocre interest in. One or two dates, then he would never see her again. If he did, then he would pretend as though he didn’t know her. It wasn’t a clean way of operating, but it was his current way, especially when his life was so busy that he hardly had time for dating, let alone finding someone to settle down with. He trusted Wonwoo’s judgement though, until they were at the bar ordering drinks and she still hadn’t stopped telling a fishing story that had lasted from the moment they entered the taxi and was still ongoing at the bar.

Mingyu would have given anything for her to just take a breather for a moment. If she were a smoker, then he would have celebrated, but alas, she continues with her neverending tale which would be endearing if he had any prior interest in her or this story. Fate seems to be on his side when he hears his voice being called. He immediately turns away from his date. It's rude and he feels bad about it, but she's also driving him absolutely wild. Maybe he's just not drunk enough for this date, but even then, he doesn't think he should have to be drunk for a date at all.

“Mingyu! It is you… Hey.” Joshua’s hair is pushed back in a way that is probably supposed to be attractive, but Mingyu thinks that he looks nerdy with it like that. It doesn’t look so much like him. Even though he’s not sure what Joshua is supposed to look like, since he’s only known him for a couple months, but he’s used to how he wears his hair usually. Jeonghan is next to him, sporting some fruity-looking drink. He raises his hand to wave as he sips at it.

“Oh,” Mingyu sighs, then breaks out into a huge grin. “How happy I am to see the two of you.” He immediately goes in to hug Joshua, then Jeonghan. His date has quieted upon their arrival and seems to be annoyed that her story was interrupted. Just when he is about to introduce them to her, she stands up and announces that she has to go to the bathroom. Again, he can’t stop himself from grinning after her. “Take me home with you!” He immediately pleads once she's out of sight, clutching both Joshua and Jeonghan’s hands. Joshua chuckles, pulling Mingyu off the dirty bar floor that he's dropped himself onto.

“Yeah, we can do that. We were just fixing to leave anyway.” Jeonghan nods. “We’ll have to leave now though, before she comes back.”

They all head towards the exit. Joshua smiles at Mingyu, “Why invite the girl out if you didn’t want to be here with her?” He asks. Mingyu shrugs. They all know that Joshua isn't really supportive of abandoning her at the bar, but he's also not going to put a fight over the topic.

“Wonwoo set it up. I shouldn’t have trusted him so much with something like this.” He laughs. “I honestly haven’t even been here that long, but it already felt like forever. She wouldn’t stop talking about fishing.” It’s Jeonghan’s turn to laugh. “I couldn’t even get a word in either.”

“Be careful with Joshua then. If you get him on a subject, he may not shut up about it.” Jeonghan warns, looking back at them. They had slowed their steps until they were matching paces with one another. Joshua pushes Jeonghan so hard that he stumbles, but both of them end up laughing as though it was no big deal. Within the short period of time they’ve been together, they’ve become good friends. They were two of the closest people among their company. It raised some questions for Mingyu, but he decided that he probably didn’t need to pry that open right now. Plus he wasn't sure if he particularly wanted to hear what their story was.

They get into Jeonghan’s car. Each of them pull their seatbelts on before Jeonghan takes off. Somewhat drunkenly, Mingyu struggles with his own, so Joshua leans over to assist him. With Joshua this close, Mingyu can feel his heartbeat in his ears. He has no idea why this man happens to have this effect on him, but he does know that he smells like the ocean wind and his touch is feather soft. Mingyu’s heart jumps in his chest, uncomfortably as Joshua latches his seatbelt. He leans back only slightly to look at Mingyu and he’s so close that Mingyu doesn’t know what to do.

He panics.

  
  
  
  


He kisses him. One of his hands comes up to tangle in Joshua’s hair as he pulls him in and tries to keep him there. Joshua’s eyes widen, but then he relaxes into the kiss, eyes slipping closed. Mingyu’s shortly follow as his other hand travels to Joshua’s jutting hip bone. It feels too good to kiss him. It makes no sense why this feels so good, but he doesn’t want to stop, so he doesn’t. When Joshua pulls away, out of breath, Mingyu keeps his forehead against his so that the distance is not lost, keeps his hands on him so he doesn't lose him. “Again,” Mingyu pleads with him for the second time tonight.

Joshua makes an uncertain noise and Jeonghan turns the music up. They exchange an odd look through the rearview mirror before Joshua turns back to Mingyu. “Okay,” he nods, then leans back into Mingyu. When Joshua initiates the kiss, Mingyu feels as though all of his nerve endings are afire. He gasps into the kiss when Joshua’s hand meets the side of his neck. The way that Joshua kisses is neat. He kisses with purpose and tact. There is so much more to want from his kisses; they are perfectly given, perfectly received. They are not greedy, unlike Mingyu.

“Do you want me to drop you off at your house or mine?” Jeonghan asks one of them, or maybe both.

“Mine,” Mingyu says around Joshua’s lips.

Joshua breathlessly tells him to take him to his house.

When they arrive at Mingyu’s house, Mingyu kisses Joshua goodnight and gets a good view of his reddened lips. He thanks Jeonghan for the ride, then disappears into this house. On the ride back to Jeonghan’s house, Joshua stays in the backseat with his head ducked. “What was that?” Jeonghan lifts an eyebrow.

“I have no clue…” Joshua says, still winded. He almost doesn't catch the malice in Jeonghan's voice.

.

.

He didn’t recall things from that night too clearly, but when he thought about it, then he could remember the awkward fumbling, his date’s chattering, Joshua’s soft lips on his. He had thought that when they kissed in the kitchen it had been their first time. “We kissed a lot that night,” Mingyu says, in awe.

“I thought I was going to get a call from you, but then I realized that you were definitely just way too drunk,” Joshua laughs bitterly. “It figures that one of the best nights of my life, the person I shared it with didn’t even remember it.”

“Ah, I’m sorry about that…” Mingyu chews on his lip uncomfortably, bowing his head. He’s unsure what to add; he has no clue what could make it up to Joshua aside from going back in time, which was sadly impossible for any of them. “I drank so much because of my date and I wasn’t even there for that long. I should have remembered that night more clearly. It was the only time you ever initiated a kiss with me. It made me feel light. I went home and fell asleep. I dreamt about that kiss.” It was so careful. No one really knew Joshua at that point, but Mingyu had been given an inside look at him. “Too bad I only thought it was a dream.”

“Too bad,” Joshua echoes.

“There’s a reason I stopped drinking heavily when you are around,” Mingyu admits, then, “How about you? Do you remember your birthday?”

Joshua freezes at his question.

.

.

“You could have done anything for your birthday…” Jeonghan says, sounding disappointed. “Getting sloshed and spending all your time in the bathroom isn’t ideal.”

Joshua spits into the toilet, stands up, then walks over the mirror to check his appearance. “I’m alright. Just nauseous, plus my birthday means that I have a right to get sloshed if I want to, so don’t try to tell me otherwise.” He holds a finger up as though he’s chastising Jeonghan. His friend simply rolls his eyes, then exits the bathroom. “Yeah, that’s what I thought!” He yells after him.

Mingyu enters with a laughing Chan pushing him. “I gotta go!” Chan exclaims, rushing into a stall, pushing past Mingyu. There’s a smile on Mingyu’s lips as he hustles over the sink. Joshua looks over at him from his own sink.

“Hey,” Joshua says, slurring his words together, “I didn’t know you were here.”

A shrug. It's the first time that he's seen Joshua like this and it is startlingly different from his usual self. Mingyu isn't too sure he likes this version of Joshua. “It looks like you are having a good time without noticing much.” He’s referring to the fact that Joshua has danced with most of the strangers on the dance floor, proclaiming that it was his birthday, so people should dance with him. Mingyu doesn’t know why he feels so cold towards him currently, but he almost wishes that he hadn’t come. That was, until Chan and Minghao had swooped in to improve the night. Joshua pulls an unattractive face that makes him look like he’s thinking too hard about what Mingyu has just said.

“Hey,” Joshua says again, “fuck off.”

Mingyu looks surprised at Joshua’s sharped tongue response. It sounds unnatural from the usually kind man. Chan exits just in time to be a witness in the suddenly heated exchange. “Alright, happy birthday then." He feels so bitter that he doesn't stop himself when he adds, "Oh, and I hope you don’t mind me going home with Jeonghan. I've been considering it all night.” It’s a threat that should be empty. Both of them know that, but Mingyu going home with Jeonghan is a loaded threat. It puts a weight on whatever sits invisible between them. It calls attention to it, but still does not give it a name. Mingyu thinks that Joshua is actually jealous. Chan catches Mingyu’s arm.

“I think we should be leaving,” he says.

“Yeah, go fuck my best friend then,” Joshua laughs bitterly. His whole frame shakes with some unbidden emotion. “Go home with him and really give it to him.” He’s almost nonsensical in his movements as he leans heavily on the sink, tries to push off of it, then falls back into it. He looks as though he’s ready to hit Mingyu, but he doesn’t move any closer or any further away from him. “Give us a minute, Chan.” He slurs.

It takes a moment, but Chan finally nods. When he leaves, Joshua steps towards him.

“What?” Mingyu asks, feeling a lot less sober than he had previously felt. He must be contact drunk, if that's even a thing.

Joshua shrugs dramatically, then pokes him in the chest. “I don’t want you to fuck my best friend.” He says, simply. Mingyu raises his eyebrows; that was pretty much a given, he thought. “I think I’m in love with you.” He says instead and the smug look on Mingyu’s face is completely erased. Instead, he’s caught off guard by the comment. He was sure that there was going to be some cheeky comment, but instead, Joshua seems to either be confessing something to him or playing him. He’s too drunk to be so intelligent, but Mingyu can’t put it past him still.

“What?” Mingyu says again, mouth agape.

He watches as Joshua’s chest heaves with the deep breath that he takes, then releases. “I think I’m in love with you.” He sounds as though he wants to cry. “I can’t stop thinking about it, but when I drink, I don’t really think about it, but now here you are threatening to fuck my best friend.” He runs a hand through his hair, then pushes past Mingyu.

Later, he tells him that it was just a mean joke that he played on him because Mingyu had said that he would go home with Jeonghan. Mingyu doesn’t really remember the exchange very well until he’s had time to piece it together. He wonders how much of it he’s made up, but Chan reassures him that his memory is pretty keen for how drunk he was that night.

.

.

“That wasn’t a sick prank.” Joshua says. “The sick prank was that I actually thought I was in love with you then. I hadn’t meant to say anything.” His hold on Mingyu’s hand tightens. “When you brought up Jeonghan, it felt like a betrayal, but the bigger problem was that I wasn’t even sure if you returned my feelings. You never really asked me out anywhere, but we always were meeting up at places, and I couldn’t stop thinking about our kiss in the car. That wasn’t our last kiss either.”

“New Years in America,” Mingyu whispers, realization dawning on him.

Joshua nods, “Your birthday in the closet when you were trying to hide from Seokmin.”

“Earlier today in the kitchen,” Mingyu adds. “That was our first sober one though.” Joshua nods to confirm. “I never wanted to stop kissing you. It felt wrong to stop. It felt right when we were that close. It always feels right when we are that close.” He holds up their twined hands. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt so close to someone before.”

Suddenly, a sob wracks Joshua’s body. It catches Mingyu off guard, especially because all it took was a split second before Joshua was falling apart. Tears spring to his eyes. His whole body is shaking, but he’s grasping onto Mingyu’s hand as though it is an anchor that will keep him from drowning in his own tears or from falling apart into pieces. He moves to circle both of his arms around one of Mingyu's. All of it is just a quiet plea to stay anchored here, to not fall apart here. When Joshua speaks, his voice is so quiet. It makes Mingyu notice how much smaller Joshua is, except he’s never looked smaller than he has in this moment with tears staining his cheeks. Mingyu lifts his free hand up to wipe away at the wetness. “I thought… you only loved me when you were drunk.” He folds in on himself, pulling away from Mingyu. He’s never seen Joshua like this, and it feels like there is a black hole in his chest where his heart was. He wishes that he could take all of the pain away from Joshua.

He shakes his head, dropping from the bed to the floor in front of Joshua. Both of his hands go up to cradle his tear-soaked face. Even as his breathing calms, tears still stream from his eyes and collect on his eyelids. It makes Mingyu mad to think that he looks beautiful even like this. Mingyu makes sure that he is breathing still. “Hey, hey,” he says, trying to get Joshua’s attention, but his eyes are unfocused on his face. He looks empty almost. Mingyu wishes the black hole in his chest took away pain instead of trying to take away everything. Then, in English, Mingyu speaks nervously, unused to the words and to the language, “Hey, Joshua. I love you.” Then in Korean, he says it endlessly. “I love you, I love you.” He breathes in unsteadily. “It’s so scary… I love you so much.” 

Joshua’s breath hitches. “S-Say it again,” he stutters.

“I love you,” Mingyu whispers in response, voice desperate.

Joshua moves in to kiss him delicately. The kiss is wet and tastes salty, but it is precise. Joshua knows how to tilt his head at which angle, how to coax Mingyu’s mouth open so that he can slip his tongue between his lips. He knows how to draw the quietest noises from Mingyu. The ones that undo both of them completely. Mingyu lifts off the floor and switches their positions until he's pressing Joshua down into the mattress. Suddenly, it is Mingyu who has the upperhand from this position. He weighs down on Joshua without hurting him. Joshua’s breathing becomes erratic underneath him as he gasps when Mingyu’s hands traverse underneath his shirt, his touch cold on his warm chest. All this time, they considered Jeonghan an angel, but Mingyu saw the way that Joshua  _shimmered_ in some sickeningly ethereal way.

 _His skin is so soft_ , Mingyu marvels, but is quickly drawn away from his thoughts as the door opens to reveal Seungcheol who immediately places a hand over his eyes, shielding himself from the view of Mingyu with his hands up Joshua's shirt. 

“Oh man, sorry,” he says. “Jeonghan just wanted me to get the remote in here, but I’ll come back later!” He quickly shuts the door behind him and both Joshua and Mingyu burst into laughter. Mingyu pulls himself off of the bed, still chuckling as he retrieves the remote off the bedside table. Joshua sits up and gathers his drink from the floor.

“That’s two times,” Joshua chuckles, wiping his face off. “Two times… in one day.”

“Yeah,” Mingyu shakes his head, but he can’t stop smiling. “Come here before you go clean up.” He says. Joshua stands up, placing his water down on the table and Mingyu pulls closer by his belt loops. He kisses him again, but this time it is just simple. There’s nothing hidden in the kiss. It is just a familiar press of lips that makes both of their stomachs flip; it makes both of them feel much lighter than they are.

“I love you, you know,” Joshua says when he pulls back. He keeps his forehead against Mingyu’s. His eyes are glistening still with tears, but he looks much happier now, much more like himself. 

He wonders if this is the end of the problem of us, or if there happens to be even more layers they are unaware of. Either way, he's just happy to know Joshua's feelings. 


	3. the solution

Up until now, only subproblems have been addressed. There has been no solution presented to "the problem of us" that Mingyu and Joshua face. Their drunken escapades are merely facets of a bigger picture: a bigger problem. A problem that has to occur, because humans are fickle creatures: creatures that covet words and meanings. Joshua is one of these creatures; he doesn’t realize that there’s still a problem until he wakes up on Jeonghan’s floor with Mingyu wrapped around his waist. Hansol's sleeping form is the closest and is the first thing that he sees when he awakens. The next sight he is greeted with is Minghao standing before them with his arms crossed. Joshua gets up, startled and looks around the room to gain his bearings. Most of his other coworkers are asleep upon the couches or the floor. Mingyu’s arms are at Joshua’s waist, holding onto him tightly as though he were a balloon that would float away and never return if he were released.

“December 2015,” is all Minghao says. His voice is hushed as he crouches down to move a stray strand of Joshua’s hair from his forehead. It isn’t that unexpected action that causes him to freeze, instead it is his words. His whole body goes strangely cold as he tries to think about what could have happened then. He knows, but he’d also give anything to be able to forget it.

Joshua gulps, trying not to move too much so he doesn’t wake Mingyu up. “He forgave me,” his voice almost sounds hoarse. Someone shifts on the couch, blanket pulled up over their head. “That was years ago.”

.

.

Mingyu knew one thing about Joshua when he first met him and it was that he was clever. The man knew how to charm anyone, but usually opted for annoying the shit out of everyone. For the first couple of months that he started working, he was the center of attention, which he held well, even if it sometimes made him nervous. He never knew much else about him, but he often ran into him while retrieving cups of coffee for himself. Joshua seemed to play as much as he worked. Mingyu always thought that he would never get anything done that way, but Joshua proves that one can have a balance of truly anything, so long as it is truly kept in balance.

So, it isn’t news when rumors start to spread about Joshua and Jeonghan hooking up. Mingyu isn’t surprised in the slightest, especially when Jeonghan often opted for lazier jobs. With as much as he saw Joshua out of his work station, he figured that Joshua must’ve been able to get close to the others who behaved similarly. He wasn’t wrong. Plus if Joshua was the center of attention, then Jeonghan often was as well. It only made sense that they gravitated towards one another.

The actual surprise comes much later when he enters the break room with Minghao only to run into a sobbing Jeonghan. Joshua stands nearby trembling with a paper coffee cup weighing heavy in his grasp. Minghao rushes towards Jeonghan, placing his hands on his shoulders and rubbing them gently. Mingyu stands there, unsure what to do, how to help. When Joshua pushes past him, he spills hot coffee on the both of them. “Shit,” Joshua curses underneath his breath, throwing his cup into the nearby trash bin and taking hold of Mingyu’s arm. “I’m sorry,” he says, but he doesn’t sound sincere, which is unusual for him. Joshua leads Mingyu to the bathroom and Mingyu conveniently forgets there are usually two sides to each story.

(Even if he never heard too much of Joshua’s side in the first place.)

.

.

“It just got a little… emotional,” Joshua says, trying to blot at the coffee stain on his shirt. He turns the tap back on, then makes sure to take care of Mingyu’s own clothing. He adds a bit of the hand soap in a desperate attempt to at least make the stain less noticeable. “Back there.” He clarifies. “I… guess we were being a little silly.” He bites his lip, chewing on it out of anxiety. While Mingyu is watching his flickering expressions, he untucks Mingyu’s shirt from his pants and lifts it up.

Surprised, Mingyu pulls back.

“I’m making sure you aren’t burnt,” Joshua explains, still grasping his fabric. He won’t look up at Mingyu, but he doesn’t seem to be focused on anything in particular. There’s a plead in his tone that Mingyu falls for. There’s something important to Joshua about making sure that Mingyu is unscathed and since he can remedy that, he relaxes in his grip, allowing for the older male to appraise him.

.

.

Jeonghan’s shoulders shake in a delicate way that isn’t befitting of him. Minghao is surprised to find him so openly emotional. When Jeonghan needs to vent, he usually does so in private, not within the break room where anyone could walk in at any given time to watch him come unfurled. Minghao’s thankful that it was Mingyu and him that walked in, fearing that if it had been Seungcheol then Joshua would have been leaving with a black eye or a broken nose. “Hey, it’s alright. Do you want me to get you a tissue?” Minghao says gently, but Jeonghan lifts a tissue up in his clenched fist.

“Joshua…” Jeonghan shakes his head. “Joshua said that he was in love with me the other day.”

 _Oh_ , Minghao thinks, then, _oh fuck_.

Workplace drama is Minghao’s least favorite can of worms.

“So, what’s the problem today?” Minghao rubs his back soothingly, reveling in the way that Jeonghan seems to be calming down. At the very least, Minghao can understand what he’s saying through his tears now. “Do you want me to get you some water?”

Jeonghan nods, so Minghao breaks away from him to pull a bottle of water out of the fridge. Instead of throwing it to him, Minghao makes sure to walk back over and guides Jeonghan’s hands to cover it. It is so bizarre to see him like this and Minghao is stunned. Joshua managed to completely undo Jeonghan in a way that no one else has ever. He doesn’t believe that the petite, bony adult has it in him, but apparently he was underestimating exactly what Joshua was made up of. He clenches his teeth as he takes care to push Jeonghan’s hair away from his face. It’ll be a lot easier to clean him up if he doesn’t get any snot or tears in his hair.

“He doesn’t know about his feelings anymore. He says that it was all a mistake,” Jeonghan shakes his head. “I know I’m overreacting here, but being together with him was so nice while it lasted.” They were only together for a couple weeks, but they had clicked so completely that everyone thought that they were going to be a forever couple. “He said he only wants to be friends… he said that’s all he ever really wanted out of our relationship, but it just spiraled.”

.

.

Joshua admires Mingyu’s soft skin, when he presses against where Mingyu was burnt, the taller male does not even flinch. “I’m fine. It was just an accident and the coffee is never that hot.” Mingyu tries to comfort him, but Joshua looks as if comfort is the last thing that will help him currently. He runs his fingers through his hair, then sighs.

He pulls away from Mingyu.

Mingyu gives him a smile before he begins fixing his shirt.

“Sorry about the stain then. I can pay to get it laundered if you’d like,” Joshua offers, clearly calming down from whatever emotional high the drama he was involved in caused. “It’s the least I can do, really.” He continues. Mingyu shakes his head in response, holding up a hand.

“That’s unnecessary,” is all he says at first. Joshua looks dejectedly at the ground. “I’m pretty good at handling laundry, trust me. I actually have some detergent that I can put on our stains right now. Let me go get it.”

.

.

“It just hurts,” Jeonghan states simply. “It just hurts because I felt the connection.”

Minghao sighs, chewing on his lip while he wallows in a rare form of self-pity he seems to be experiencing. Mingyu hardly ever showed this much emotion towards any given conversation or event, so he wasn’t used to this quiet thunderstorm. The only other person he’s used to helping is Soonyoung and he’s the loudest storm there is, but most of his time, he’s so blinded by happiness that Minghao can’t even imagine finding him in a situation like this.

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “It figures though.” He stands up finally, using his tissue to dry his eyes and clean up his face. “I’ll be alright. Thanks, Minghao. I’m going to go back to work now.”

“Let me at least help fix your makeup first.”

.

.

“I just can’t commit, I guess.” Joshua confides in Minghao who hovers close to him. Mingyu is still retrieving the detergent, so it is just them for the time being. “I didn’t mean to hurt Jeonghan, but suddenly… I just wasn’t in love anymore.”

Minghao purses his lips. He’ll remember this moment just in case the next poor sap that decides to fall for Joshua is a friend of his.

.

.

The next poor sap happens to be his best friend, and Minghao is supportive of the relationship. He knows that Joshua has changed from who he was when he first started at the company, but that does not mean that Joshua doesn't need to be reminded of the pain that he had caused Jeonghan, of that heartbreak. Mingyu, he knows, would fall apart just the same. It seemed that everyone he was close to suffered from big, earth-shattering emotions that built up and were released as earthquakes and volcano eruptions. 

Minghao lifts an eyebrow. “I’m not saying you haven’t changed.” His voice is hushed, but as morning draws on, more people are bustling around, not yet awake, but definitely waking. He leans closer to Joshua. “I’m not threatening you, but I’m not playing any games here. Mingyu… isn’t playing any either. I don’t want to have to pick up his pieces because I’ve never seen him broken up. I don’t want to see him broken up like Jeonghan was. I don’t know what exactly you said to him, but he had real hopes involving staying with you. I don’t even think you are doing this on purpose, but don’t do it if you can help it.” He sighs.

Soonyoung lifts an arm, hand grappling to tug on the back of Minghao’s shirt. Joshua can hear him in choppy Mandarin, voice sleepy. _Come back to bed_. He watches Minghao’s face soften before he turns around to rejoin Soonyoung on the floor, once again turning into a mess of limbs.

It’s bizarre, but it makes Joshua feel warm.

Then there’s someone singing. A quiet human alarm. Joshua thinks that it’s Wonwoo, but he doesn’t crane his neck to look. Seokmin joins in the singing. There is some movement around Joshua as people turn over, cover their heads, and move around.

Mingyu doesn’t move at all. He’s wrapped around Joshua completely. The petite man is lost within his tight grasp. Where Mingyu is too large, Joshua is too small, but they still fit together. With Joshua’s head atop Mingyu’s chest, everything feels complete. The brief upset in reality by Minghao gets swept away by the sweetness of the morning. A door opens, then closes. When Joshua opens his eyes, he sees Jeonghan standing at the edge of the pile of bodies. They exchange a smile.

There might never truly been “a problem of us” between them. He thinks it has always been him. “It’s the problem of me.” he whispers. Jeonghan tilts his head in confusion, tucking his hair behind his ear. “I’m the problem.” It’s a simple realization. Minghao kicks at his legs, jostling Mingyu as well.

Sleepily, albeit dopily, Mingyu smiles down at Joshua when he wakes up. His heart hurts. It feels as though his chest is made of tectonic plates and they are shifting. The lava in his heart cavity runs sluggishly, making him feel warm and sick. His chest aches just as badly as his heart. His whole body is an earthquake. Mingyu’s voice is so quiet at his ear. “The problem is us,” he affirms Joshua’s earlier statement. “It’s that we weren’t.”

Somehow, Joshua understands the emotion behind Mingyu’s sleepy ramblings; he understands that Mingyu is saying that problem has always been of them because they weren’t together. They were too far away, but now the distance has been closed.

Jeonghan bites his lip, then steps over a mess of limbs as he tries to get to the kitchen.

“Cheesy,” Minghao chuckles, wrapping his arms even more tightly around sleepy Soonyoung, who agrees with them.

“No, I think it was cute!” It’s Seokmin who joins in now. “Definitely cute.”

Joshua rolls his eyes, letting his head loll back onto Mingyu’s chest. Mingyu chuckles, wrapping his arms around him. “Let’s not flirt around our coworkers.” Joshua whispers, bringing his hand up to toy with Mingyu’s hair. Next to them, Hansol shifts, breathy noises coming from him. It takes Joshua a minute to realize that he’s laughing.

“Anyone could have told you that one,” he smiles at them.

The feeling is warm, even if most of them are suffering from hangovers. This is what friendship feels like; it’s warm, like a soft blanket or a space heater. Everyone seems to be touching somehow. All of them are closer than they would choose to be while sober. It takes them to pass out shit-faced for them to be able to settle into sickening domesticity. The smell of coffee wafts in from the kitchen. Joshua has to hold himself back from trying to disentangle from Mingyu to get a mug of it.

Seokmin and Hansol fall back into a light slumber. Mingyu continues to smile into Joshua’s hair, feeling especially affectionate and mushy as he strokes light circles into Joshua’s back. It’s soothing and nice. He could probably fall back asleep like this if he weren’t sleeping on Jeonghan’s hardwood floor. It’s amazing how so many of the others can just simply fall back asleep.

When Jeonghan exits the kitchen, he’s holding two mugs. After managing to cross the sea of limbs once again, he sits down beside Mingyu and Joshua finally sits up as he takes the mug from Jeonghan. “Thank you,” he nods.

“Where’s mine?” Mingyu jokingly grumbles, flopping his arm across his face to block out the sunlight. “Nevermind,” he murmurs, but it’s hard to understand him like this.

It takes awhile, but finally people start to wake and rise. Jeonghan watches all of them as they either head to the front door, thanking Jeonghan, or towards the bathroom. A rare few head towards the kitchen. Minghao asks if Jeonghan has any to-go cups and earns a balled-up sock thrown in his direction. “Where do you think you are?” He says, and Minghao laughs, shrugging.

People leave. Jeonghan sips his coffee.

.

.

Mingyu drives Joshua home even though Joshua drove to Jeonghan’s house for the party. It feels wrong for them to separate. For Joshua, it brings anxiety. It makes him wonder what will happen in the increasing space between them. He’s never wanted to not screw something up as much as he does right now. He’s clinging to the framework of this makeshift relationship: this relationship that they have not yet talked about. He wants to speak about it, but Minghao has reminded him where he’s gotten himself to before. Joshua doesn’t exactly have a good track mark when relationships are involved. He wants to tell Mingyu, again, that he loves him: that he’s in love with him and he doesn’t want to be away from him today.

Regardless of any other feeling weighing heavy in the depths of his heart, Joshua wants to kiss Mingyu again. He wants to kiss him until he sees stars, until he can no longer think. He wants to undo Mingyu until he’s the same type of mess as Joshua.

When Mingyu pulls into his driveway, Joshua makes a strained noise. Mingyu looks over at him, raising his eyebrows in response.

“I’ll do anything to stay with you for today,” Joshua says, quietly, looking at his lap rather than at Mingyu. He only looks up when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Okay,” Mingyu answers simply.

Then he’s reversing the car. It’s all behind them now. Everything is. “Take me somewhere,” Joshua says, unshowered and in need of a brush. Mingyu chuckles, hand reaching over to find Joshua’s hand. They hold hands for the ride. It’s peaceful like this.

.

.

Mingyu takes Joshua to the ocean. It reminds him of Joshua somehow.

The air is still too chilly for swimming. There is hardly anyone hanging out at the beach. It feels as though the two of them are in their own personal world. Joshua runs his fingers through his hair, trying to tame it. Mingyu tells him he’s beautiful, then he kisses him hard on the lips, leaning down to his height. Joshua has to stand on his toes to comfortably meet him.

“Let’s talk about it,” Mingyu says when they break away. He doesn’t look at Joshua, just tightens his coat around him. “Us.” He clarifies.

Joshua inhales shakily, nods. “Okay.”

“I love you,” Mingyu says, but sounds choked up. He swallows hard and Joshua pretends to ignore that this is hard for both of them.

“I know,” Joshua smiles without happiness. “Since when?”

“Probably since you kissed me in Jeonghan’s car, except I had that dream that night and after that I wanted to be with you, but I thought it was so random… I thought I’d be turned away on the spot, especially for being creepy.” The corner of Mingyu’s lips turn up in the smallest smile. It’s cute, Joshua thinks when he chances a peek at him. It causes a smile to light up Joshua’s face as well. “How long for you?”

“Definitely since I kissed you,” he says, swallows hard. “Forever?” He laughs dryly. “It feels like it’s been forever since that night.”

Mingyu’s hands are sweaty. The air feels thin between them, as though they are using up too much of it at once. He couldn’t imagine that this conversation would be as hard as it is. “What do we do?” Mingyu says after a moment of silence.

It seems as though they both think about it, but both come up with no solution. Joshua eventually answers him, “Be together?” It seems so simple, so unoriginal, but also as though it is too complicated. Neither of them seem to be prepared for the adult definition of relationship; they don’t need to be. They want to be. There are too many feelings. Joshua wants to reach out and take Mingyu’s hand.

“You want to be together?” A quirked eyebrow.

“Do you?” Joshua stutters when he asks.

Mingyu makes a strangled noise, then turns to Joshua as though he cannot look away from him for another second. He takes him into his arms. One hand buries itself into the hair at the nape of his neck, and the other hand wraps around his waist. He pulls him in until their foreheads are pressed together. He doesn’t look away from Joshua. He’s unkempt and they both have morning breath, but none of that matters. This is the only thing that matters. “Do I?” Mingyu echoes. He looks incredulous.

He licks his lips, then dives in. Joshua gives him a chaste kiss then pulls back so that Mingyu has to chase after you. “No, no…!” Joshua squeaks, trying to pull away. “Your breath smells so bad!” He’s chuckling, almost doubling over as Mingyu tries to go after him. Joshua slaps his hands over his own mouth, voice now muffled.

“I’m trying to show you how much I want you!” Mingyu says, stepping back from him and spreading his arms out to his sides. It’s an action of surrender. “I love you, Joshua, and I want to be with you. Just you. No one else. I haven’t had this silly crush on you for almost two years for you to stand me up on the beach.” His voice is loud and happy. The beach is empty. 

Joshua yells back, carelessly for once, “Then let’s be together then! Just us!”

It’s the solution that they need: togetherness. 


End file.
